Light Up

Okay I want to take this moment to talk about my secret love affairs, namely two of them and no I am not counting that guy at the supermarket in this one. Actually I am not including any guy in these secret love affairs.
Now these two have had a starring role in my life for a bit of time ..

One is really cool to the touch and when it's hot out well the little sweat drops are the most sexiest thing on the planet. It makes me lose all inhibitions and makes me make a fool of myself in public. When it touches my lips I moan in desparation for it to never leave me alone. When I'm lonely it's the thing I turn to most and when I can't control my emotions well it always forgives me... It tastes so fucking good I don't know how I went 15 years without it in my life and I can't imagine it ever leaving me. It's always ready for me to use it, abuse it and call it sally.

Get your mind out of the gutter I am not talking about a vibrator either sick puppies, although they are nice to have.. 

Alcohol is what I'm talking about here..
Drink it in babes, feel the numbing sensation and let it take you for a ride
Yes whenever I am dealing with any situation I like to reward myself with a fine glass of Big AL, that's what I dubbed Alcohol ... 
See Big AL helps me deal with the little old lady driving in front of me who can't see over the damn steering wheel and insists on going twenty under the damn speed limit.
Big AL helps me deal with your little snot nosed children who like to put their fingers in my food and then smile about it like it's some sick joke...
Big AL helps me deal with having sex with people I'd never dreamed of having sex with but fuck it I'm horny and my batteries ran out earlier so I need you to finish the damn job.. (takes three shots)
Yes he's quite the charmer too, he tells me everything will be alright he'll take care of everything I need and want... Boy does he ever
How often can you go to a work function, get plastered, make a fool of yourself and everyone be fine with it the next day? Big AL that's why.. Everyone forgives a drunken fool..

My second lover well it can fit in the palm of your hand and when you inhale it man does it relax you...
The scent of it lingers underneath you for the rest of the day caressing your thoughts as an always reminder of your time together.. It's not too big but not too short either just right for you to enjoy it.. There's just something about it that I can't get enough of ...

That my friend would be the Cigarella (It's a dainty lady who calms you down when ever you need to just relax from that wanker down the street who persistently tries to bang you ..) Yeah my old friend that has been around since I was a wee little chap at the age of 13. Yes your still little at 13 unless you are one of those bitches from the movie 13. Those skanks were going on 35 fucking liars!

Cigarella's only come out when I need to think, get my head on straight and get my shit together. This is a vice I always make time for when shit really hits the fan..
You know when you accidentally sleep with your cousin you never knew was your cousin because your family hates each other..(sick fucks this never happened to me but I did see it on TV so it must of happened to someone right?)
Or the time you accidentally filleted your boss expensive exotic fish because you thought that's what he meant about bring me that fish on a silver platter...
Or how about that time you wake up next to your dog when your lip stick all over it and you think back to the night before and realize that wasn't the guy from the club you were kissing but your damn dog.. (no this never happened to me but I'm sure it happened to your cousin Billy Jo!) 

Boy do I love the two of those together its like the ultimate three some with the best lovers each taking care of your every need... Got to love vices and got to love a slow dying death...