Start the week off right

Hello Puppets
*waves..*
Wave back you fuckers, it's called being polite; didn't your mums teach you any manners?
...Sips coffee..

Alright ..


I am so over this whole frustration really. Why is it that every time I want something good to come out of my hard work it never happens?

Because there are ass wads out there who are always trying to bring you down that's why!

Exactly!

So like I said I'm over it.

Maybe what I need is a vacation of some sorts? Si.
So I might be doing just that in a few short weeks and I am unexplainable-ly (is that a fucking word? oh well it is now!)  happy about that.

I'm going some place where the sun will warm my skin and everyone is exceptionally plastic/fake beautiful.

I am sure I will run into some debauchery there with a few friends and some new friends I will make. If you haven't noticed I am very sociable.

I want to come back to my former living place a sun goddess. So for a few months I will sublet my place to a cousin of mine who really needs a good shagging place for the summer. I told said cousin to make sure when I come home that the fridge is stocked and all the sheets are new. I sincerely do not wish to sleep on my cousins sexy time juices with stranger sexy time juices. Really I don't call that a good time.

Don't worry my little lovelies I will take you guys with me metaphorically with this here blog. There is no way I would leave for that long only a few short moments after I created such a wonderful thing. Plus I need someone to tell all my stories to about my time in sunny paradise.

So it's Monday as you can see my ninja death stare didn't work last night on my calendar or my clock. I am planning this week to put my notice in at work that I will be gone for some time, not sure if they will hold my position for me if not it's okay I don't really like the place I work anyways.

Anyone else wish they were going on a vacation from all the dingbats in their life? Do0o0 it! It'll be fun and you may just walk/run into something that you don't mind doing for the rest of your life!

Merry Go Round

*Cracks Knuckles*
..Stretches writing muscles...

Tap, tap, tap

Let's get into it kitties, shall we?

I am tired of this merry go round that I am stuck on. Anyone else feel like their lives keep spinning and spinning to keep repeating the same shit over and over? Are you about to metaphorically puke your guts out?

I completely feel for you I really do because I am stuck in the same damn boat.

See these damn Stacy Pita chips are the jam, really they are all sorts of jolly fun BUT if I keep on eating them I'll never stop.

I keep telling myself only one more than I'll certainly be done with them and this hummus too!
*Sneaks another chip and dips into the hummus*

..Crunch.. Crunch.. MMmmm ... Nom... Nom..

Looks around all shifty eyed

Damn it happened again. Their just so delicious, crunchy, salty and dangerously sexy. Yes these chips are sexy because I say so.

The Hummus, don't even get me started or I might just have an orgasm right here and now!
*Beads of sweat falling down my forehead*
..Fans myself...

I have been  trying to stop eating these things since last night but I keep coming back for more. I'm like some deranged beaten housewife who won't turn in my beating/cheating husband because I love him Oh So Much! Well maybe not that serious but you get the idea right? Right.

I should probably tell you I just ate about ten more pita chips since writing this post. Seriously if you have ever had Organic sweet roasted red pepper hummus with Stacy Pita Simply Naked Chips you'd see its like kryptonite and your batman! You just can't stand to stay away but if you get close you might actually die; in my case it would be death by eating way too much pita and hummus. Maybe I'd die with a smile on my face? One could be so lucky huh?

Psycho Babble

Okay let it simmer..
Light that ciggarette
Sips coffee..

Ahh that's better

Hi Loves  *waves*

Today I want to talk about Crazy People..
Yes, that's right you heard me correctly Crazy Fucking Insane People!
I love them! Non, non I really do love them!

I mean what would this world be like if we didn't have that bum on the street harassing pretty women with his crazy knowledge of Motown's discography? Singing to them with his one tooth, piss stained jacket, alcoholic breath and surprisingly a ciggarelle in his mouth.

Tell me what would I do for entertainment if I didn't walk into the city without seeing some maniac all excited about the world ending and how I am going to hell for showing too much cleavage! Poor man doesn't even know what's good for him and his wife is just jealous! Although she has a wonderful rack she just doesn't let those bad boys breath! I am certain if she whipped those suckers out her husband would sing a different tune, hell I know I would if I were a man!

Oh and I just love the crazies pushing around their carts full of stuff. They have some great finds in there like ciggarella's, BIG AL, clothes and even a fucking ready set bed! I mean tell me about it they can just plop down wherever to just take a jolly ol nap when they damn well please! No one says a thing to them about where they choose to nap 'cept those pig bellied cops! OINK OINK BUZZ KILL!

Recently I was walking through the city and there was a man who thought he was part of the FBI of some sorts. He was all talking into this ice cream walk-e-talk-e, looked to be strawberry flavored, talking some mumbo jumbo about a Code 451 in progress. I am sorry honey but I've never heard of a Code 451 could you kindly explain to me what this code entails? Am I the Code 451? He was brilliant though! Really! He was all walking down the street ducking behind lamp posts and cars, screaming over and over into his Strawberry Ice Cream.. CODE 451! dash! CODE 451! duck, CODE 451 OVER! peers out from behind a car. He was all into whatever he was getting at and I was loving every second of it.

I think the Crazies have it right. I mean who gives a fuck about whatever just take a god damn nap in the middle of the day if you like. Oh how about sing to a pretty lady because well she should be serenaded while she walks to class. Hell let's all play a big game of Catch a Girl kiss a Girl with our Strawberry flavored walk-e-talk-e's because we can! (If you don't like strawberry we could always get you different flavor no biggie) Why shouldn't we stand in the middle of the road or side walk to yell about something absurd like "the worlds going to end and you will all die with it!"

Really they must be doing something right to live a long life on the streets drinking it up and smoking the night away. As for the rest of us we are always on the go, always stressing, always yelling at someone to move out of the way or leave me the fuck alone you piece of shit! You know all the usual stuff and yet we feel bad for these people who live on the street who have nothing. Some may say it's a sad life but hell I see people who aren't afraid to just live. Against all odds that have been thrown at them they are still living and it may not be up to societies standards but hell they are still here. To me that counts big time because so many people are willing to just give up on life because of this or that.

I say to Hell with it Live like a fucking CRAZY!

Wedding dress at a bar?

Hello Kittens.

So a few weeks back I went to a bar to celebrate a friends 25th birthday. Upon arriving at the place it was extremely cold out for this time of year but I guess it's to be expected with global warming. Never know what ya gonna get as Forest Gump would say about chocolates, life and now I dub weather.

So I'm driving around the lot trying to get a parking spot close and of course the only damn thing open is eons away from the place. After driving in circles for about five minutes my patience wears thin and I give in. I finally park, get out of the car and start running to the entrance when I see three cars near the entrance all back out of their spots. I stop, look back at my car, back at the cars pulling out and then back at mine again. Deciding on if I should go back to get my car to park into these new spots but then I realized that it would be moot. I was already more than half way to the entrance and by the time I ran back to my car to then pull it out of the spot to then try to get one of these spots they'd more than likely already be taken. Plus there was a chance that if the new spots were taken my spot might be taken and then I'd have no where to park. Also I was about an hour and a half late to the party already because well I forgot about it, I know bad friend!

So I get into the place, pay the cover and start looking around for my friends. After I spot them and start trying to pry my way through the drunks this girl bumps into me. I look down and realize she's in a fucking wedding dress, at a bar! I say excuse me but she keeps running on to someone she has in her line of sight. I take a peek back and realize she's running at some guy whose in a tux, that I presume to be the groom. On the count of as soon as she got to him they started to feverishly make out. But if that wasn't her groom well then I feel bad for the guy because his wife is making out with his best friend. Anyways not my problem!

I finally make it to my friends, wait almost twenty minutes for a damn beer and then some cover band comes on. I was in hope to get my groove on and shake my ass around but then it was ruined. The cover band was alright but really I rather they played music from a DJ. Anyways I decided to just keep on drinking with my friends and make fun of all the crazy people around us, Like the drunk girl who thinks she can dance but really she's falling all over the place. Literally she was falling all over the place. She was this sleazy looking little thing with a short jean skirt on and some juice head equally as drunk falling all over her. They were dancing, if you want to call it that, making out, really eating each others faces and trapped in their own little world, one that made me want to gag.

Then all of a sudden the band decides to have the "Bride" and "Groom" come on stage as they sang their wedding song to them. Okay this is not some wedding reception and seriously guys your ruining my fun time at getting drunk with this slow ass melody. So I sit there through the excruciating 3 minutes and some seconds of an alright cover band covering some sucky love song to these obviously red neck newly weds. The lead singer asked everyone to raise their glass to the newly weds and I raised my glass saying " This is for your sad vagina who will only ever fuck one guy for however long!" then I downed my drink. My friends drank to help mourn the poor girls vagina and the poor mans dick for the remainder of their blissfully married lives.

After that they played a few songs I don't quite remember but I do remember them getting to the infamous Sir Mix A Lot "Big Butts" song. Of course they grabbed girls to get on the stage and shake their asses, including the newly wed bride. I was horrified at these women who actually got up there to shake their asses for everyone and they weren't even good. They were all drunkenly shaking it, whoo-ing thinking to themselves "Oh I am so hot" when really they looked like asses! Seriously if you are going to dance for my entertainment please be good or at least have an ass to shake for this song. It's about BIG ASSES and all you flat, square asses up on the stage are making me sick with your cottage cheese shake.
  
**UPDATE **

I just want to take the moment to say that I am really impressed that in the past few days I have picked up three new readers! (Gushes) Thank you and I hope you all enjoy the craziness that spews out of my finger tips and onto your lovely screens. 

Okay now continue on with life :)

Sometimes

Sometimes I truly don't know where this is going, this life I lead. Other times I am so determined to make it go my way no matter how many obstacles stand in my way. I put my mean face on and get down to business. But after so many let downs (obstacles) I always question myself, question where I should be and where I could be. I know we all have self doubts about ourselves at some point or another but I assure you I have been doubting myself for well over two years now.

I don't know weather to cry or exhale ..
I don't know if I should pace back and forth or just sit still..
Do I hide or do I go out dying in the sun...

Sometimes I just wish life could be what you write it out to be, ya know? Like the movie INK HEART where if you read certain parts of a book it becomes reality, well this version would be writing something out to be true. Only when I think about it, that could be bad if everyone were having a jolly ol time writing out their lives, no one would be special. I could just see it now a world full of rich divas with fake tatas all thinking they rightfully should be where they are. Oh, not to mention all the criminals who would just write themselves out of jail to become rich. Yeah that would be bad wouldn't it? Maybe just let me have this uh talent if you want to call it that. I promise I won't tell anyone, mum's the word over here.

Sadly as much as I get down on my knees and beg for this talent it will never come so I always have to face reality. But really what is the fun in that? Why do I need to face reality? Why can't I just create my own little bubble of reality and the rest of the world just leave me be?

Because life's a Bitch that's why! Fucking-A!

Attention Attention

Let's get started...

Where do I begin? How to even start? Maybe the beginning? Even that's overwhelming...
Okay let's talk about how I got finagled, screwed, royally fucked, rapped and ripped off!

I was seething by the end of this encounter, let me assure you I will be writing a heated letter. Yes, a god damn letter people!

See I had this sudden urge, craving or over come by such strong desire if you will for a fucking Honey Bun from Entenmann's! I happily drove to the store in search for it with a dollar twenty five in my pocket of course to my dismay I see that now they cost a buck fifty! What has this world come to that you have to put a damn Jumbo Honey Bun on your stinking card?!?! A fucked up one, that's what kind of world.

I was so enraged that they were going to charge me a buck fifty plus tax to get this damn honey  bun, mind you I haven't had a single craving for one in years! So I go in search of the tasty cakes thinking maybe they can help me out.  Guess what else I found out that they too have gone to the buck fifty, for a sticking brownie that can fit in my palm! Seriously that is not worth a buck fifty and to boot they were all hard: Now your trying to give me stale Brownies! What the hell?!?!

Now there seriously is something wrong with this world when you can't even get a Stale tasty cake for a dollar!

So of course I go back to the Entenmann's section to see if I can get just a regular Honey Bunn of course all the ones they have are JUMBO so if you want a damn Honey Bun well your just going to have to settle for this JUMBO one.. Touche Entenmann's well played! So I finally buckle get the damn Honey Bun because after all it's what I came for and I grab myself a Propel to wash it down with. Then I walk back over to the Tasty Cakes, trying to see if maybe there was something less than a Buck Fifty, nope, nada, Zilch! So I just go over get some banana organic protein bar and storm over to the register. I was seriously fuming at this point thinking that this damn Honey Bun better be worth the Buck fifty. Of course it was the same damn package as always, no new recipe and definitely not worth a buck fifty each. The only thing different was that it was JUMBO sized and was about 400 calories in one damn Bun! Like I said I was swindled!

Pretty soon Tasty Cake and Entenmann's are getting a very furious letter, very soon indeed..

Monday, Monday, Monday

You know we have to give some love to Mondays because no matter how much Hate we spew at it, the damn thing still keeps coming back week after week. It's fucking relentless too, no breaks what-so-ever, it really is determined to make our lives a living fucking hell.

Well today I believe the weather and this Monday have teamed up to just make it all the more delightful to be at work today. It's fucking pouring out.

Anyways as I was saying Mondays, you gotta love em', I mean their inevitable just like death, really..

I believe I just blew your mind there didn't I kittens?

Yeah, See you can spend your whole life hating Mondays but really what's the point? No matter how many times I stare at my calender showing my "if looks could kill" face to Monday, it never backs down.. ever. 
It just cackles at me every Sunday night, maybe does an Irish jig in my face and then shows me it's lily white ass the very next morning. Yeah, fuck you to Monday, fuck you too... 

I would say the very next worst day would be Friday |Gasp! Did she say Friday? What in the world are you on these days?| Calm down kittens, let me explain...
Friday is the very next worst day in the work place because that's the day all the jerks who bumbled around all week decided to give me all their work to "catch up" on before Monday's meeting. I mean seriously, it's the worst,  they come down to my desk all smiles with their little project just pinged in my email. I hate that fucking sound and that smile too. Then they stand in front of my desk until I give them the time of day I secretly roll my eyes and give them the fuck you sign underneath my desk. "Yes?" I ask. "Oh did you get my email?" Looks to my computer where the screen has gone black because I seriously don't look at my computer all that often on Friday's. "Nope I haven't checked my email since this morning. Why? What's up?" I ask. "Oh I sent you a little project I really need for Monday's meeting." Theirs that smug ass smile, knowing they just pissed me off yet again for the 435340539048 week in a row. I look at the time, it's fucking 2:30PM, they decided now would be the best time to piss me off. "Oh well I'll see what I can do I'm busy doing this other project right now so I don't know if I can get it done before Monday, especially since there's only a little over two hours left in the work week." Glares at the screen that shows they emailed me 30 fucking spread sheets to get done in two hours, fuckers!  "Oh really? Well could you just put this project on hold , cause I really need these done." Raises eye brow. "Sorry not sure If I can do it with such little time. How come you didn't get this to me yesterday? I had nothing going on then." Raises my eye brow while continuing this other project that secretly makes me want to shoot my face off. "Oh well we just got these done today and I was so swamped that I almost forgot to give them to you earlier. " Secretly burning holes in the back of my head. "Oh." Cackles on the inside. "Well I don't think I'll be able to get these done, I don't come in until noon on Monday so.. Is there anyone else that can do these since you need them so bad on Monday?" Continues to work. "Uh, not really everyone is all busy, you really can't get these done by today?" let's out a huff. "Nah I mean I have all this to finish up Plus my office duties for the day, it's gonna be really tight to fit this all in by the time to clock out." Gives them the knowing look that their fuck'd and should of come to me sooner. "Well is there any way you could put this on pause and just work on the spread sheets instead? I'm sure this stuff doesn't need to get done by today." Give me a knowing look. "Well, I've been working on this since yesterday, I would like to get it done so I don't have to deal with it on Monday when I first come in, maybe you could give these to Betty. She's been chatting up a storm for the past hour I'm sure she's got time to do 30 spread sheets before we go home or atleast some of them." Gives my Leave me the fuck alone already look. Finally walks away and I continue with my work.


See everyone tries to rush to my desk to give me all this work that should of been done ages ago but they like to wait to the last minute. They like to give me all these stupid fucking projects that if they just kept up with their shit instead of shooting the shit most of the week they wouldn't have to give me anything. So my work load is always crazy on a Friday and Monday. During the middle of the week I am not doing a thing except my job that I was hired for unless they give me a really long project on Monday that would consist of me wanting to chew my boss's face off and me shooting every person who walks by my desk saying their little stupid comments. "Oh looks like the shop is open this week" or "Oh wow that looks like soo much fun, well good luck with that" As they walk outside for their lunch into the sun while I sit there thinking of all the ways they could die during their 1 hour break. Yeah fuck you to bitches. I seriously hate my job cannot wait to just quit when it gets really busy and they need someone there to help.