Wedding dress at a bar?

Hello Kittens.

So a few weeks back I went to a bar to celebrate a friends 25th birthday. Upon arriving at the place it was extremely cold out for this time of year but I guess it's to be expected with global warming. Never know what ya gonna get as Forest Gump would say about chocolates, life and now I dub weather.

So I'm driving around the lot trying to get a parking spot close and of course the only damn thing open is eons away from the place. After driving in circles for about five minutes my patience wears thin and I give in. I finally park, get out of the car and start running to the entrance when I see three cars near the entrance all back out of their spots. I stop, look back at my car, back at the cars pulling out and then back at mine again. Deciding on if I should go back to get my car to park into these new spots but then I realized that it would be moot. I was already more than half way to the entrance and by the time I ran back to my car to then pull it out of the spot to then try to get one of these spots they'd more than likely already be taken. Plus there was a chance that if the new spots were taken my spot might be taken and then I'd have no where to park. Also I was about an hour and a half late to the party already because well I forgot about it, I know bad friend!

So I get into the place, pay the cover and start looking around for my friends. After I spot them and start trying to pry my way through the drunks this girl bumps into me. I look down and realize she's in a fucking wedding dress, at a bar! I say excuse me but she keeps running on to someone she has in her line of sight. I take a peek back and realize she's running at some guy whose in a tux, that I presume to be the groom. On the count of as soon as she got to him they started to feverishly make out. But if that wasn't her groom well then I feel bad for the guy because his wife is making out with his best friend. Anyways not my problem!

I finally make it to my friends, wait almost twenty minutes for a damn beer and then some cover band comes on. I was in hope to get my groove on and shake my ass around but then it was ruined. The cover band was alright but really I rather they played music from a DJ. Anyways I decided to just keep on drinking with my friends and make fun of all the crazy people around us, Like the drunk girl who thinks she can dance but really she's falling all over the place. Literally she was falling all over the place. She was this sleazy looking little thing with a short jean skirt on and some juice head equally as drunk falling all over her. They were dancing, if you want to call it that, making out, really eating each others faces and trapped in their own little world, one that made me want to gag.

Then all of a sudden the band decides to have the "Bride" and "Groom" come on stage as they sang their wedding song to them. Okay this is not some wedding reception and seriously guys your ruining my fun time at getting drunk with this slow ass melody. So I sit there through the excruciating 3 minutes and some seconds of an alright cover band covering some sucky love song to these obviously red neck newly weds. The lead singer asked everyone to raise their glass to the newly weds and I raised my glass saying " This is for your sad vagina who will only ever fuck one guy for however long!" then I downed my drink. My friends drank to help mourn the poor girls vagina and the poor mans dick for the remainder of their blissfully married lives.

After that they played a few songs I don't quite remember but I do remember them getting to the infamous Sir Mix A Lot "Big Butts" song. Of course they grabbed girls to get on the stage and shake their asses, including the newly wed bride. I was horrified at these women who actually got up there to shake their asses for everyone and they weren't even good. They were all drunkenly shaking it, whoo-ing thinking to themselves "Oh I am so hot" when really they looked like asses! Seriously if you are going to dance for my entertainment please be good or at least have an ass to shake for this song. It's about BIG ASSES and all you flat, square asses up on the stage are making me sick with your cottage cheese shake.
  
**UPDATE **

I just want to take the moment to say that I am really impressed that in the past few days I have picked up three new readers! (Gushes) Thank you and I hope you all enjoy the craziness that spews out of my finger tips and onto your lovely screens. 

Okay now continue on with life :)